The First Step

The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself.    -Mark Caine

     Many firsts are running through my mind today. For years I have talked about keeping a blog, though I’ve never really followed through. I don’t know what really held me back for so long. I love to write, and I like to be seen and heard. As long as I can prepare for it, I like to be the center of attention, most likely because for so many years, I felt invisible. A logical reason I never started this official journey is because there is no fluidity to what captures me. I am always living in the moment, and each moment presents the opportunity for me to become focused on (or distracted by) something else. Blogs are for bowling balls, barreling towards their strike while gaining momentum, not for pin-balls, aimlessly lighting up and sounding off alarms while adding points and penalties along the way.

     As I sat a few days ago pondering my goals for the month, I tried to turn them from fleeting ideas into achievable goals. One of the goals I set for myself this year was to be strategic and intentional by setting specific, monthly goals to develop myself both personally and professionally and to become more organized. I knew I needed to graduate from pinball, to bowling.

     We often present ourselves similar to the way we dress. I personally wear many accessories year-round. The Bowtie: representing the small business owner;  The Backpack: representing the mother; The Microphone: representing the public speaker; The Reading Glasses: Representing the author; The Smart Watch: representing the entrepreneur; The Backwards Ball-Cap, the accessory I would be naked without: representing my two-spirit, free-spirit. This blog will encompass each accessory from time to time, but it will always be introspective and anthropological.

     An introspective person examines their own thoughts, behaviors, actions and feelings, while an anthropologist studies the development and evolution of groups of people, forming cultures, sub-cultures, societies and populations. My goal in my contributions here is share my personal paradigm, specifically as a person with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD). There are days of utter chaos–days of memory loss, numbness, and dissociation. There are highs of neurologically-enhanced bursts of motivation and creativity, and there are lows of depression, lethargy, and stagnancy.

I invite you to join me, in the post-trauma tango.

I refuse to be a captive of chaos. I will narrow my path, hone my focus, and take baby steps in the direction of my greatest ambitions. -K.D. Roche

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